Why I'll Never Be The Gambler

Vegas is one of those places they say you have to see once but perhaps it's best not to go there straight from the Grand Canyon. (Hello Sublime, it's me, Ridiculous!)

We drove from one of the world's seven natural wonders straight to the Mandalay Bay, a gleaming gold tower with its own "beach" where girls wander around the lobby holding giant drinks and wearing bare feet and bikinis while their shirtless boyfriends smoke ciggies behind them.

Worse, we weren't even staying there, so didn't even need to see this. What can I say? Our GPS has no taste.

Next door in the cool calm of the Four Seasons (which has no casino, perhaps explaining why the GPS gave it the cold shoulder), the lights and sights of the Strip played outside our window like a movie. That bit, I liked. But you can't go to Vegas, even if you're only there to catch a flight somewhere else, and stay in your hotel room.*

Dinner and a show is what we settled on. I wanted Barry Manilow, but he wasn't performing that night, we both wanted Gladys Knight, but she had cancelled, so in the end we opted for Cirque du Soleil's Love - a Beatles extravaganza that came very highly recommended, plus for an extra $5 you got a three-course meal at the Mirage.

First, though, we needed to go to a pharmacy and made the woeful decision to walk. It was 100 deg F, which was why no one was wearing anything, particularly the people who really, really, really should.

Standing on an escalator behind an enormous woman whose vast rear was exploding out of her cut-off shorts which were 10 sizes too small is a Las Vegan memory that will haunt me forever. I have nothing against enormous women with vast rears - indeed I am sometimes one myself - but that is cruelty to a cut-off short. What the original pair of jeans had done to deserve such punishment I can't imagine. You would think chopping their legs off would have been enough.

Anyway, the pharmacy itself was a zoo: a drunk bride was clutching her friend and a beer bottle at the check-out, two zombies were reading the instructions on every condom packet out loud to each other, a couple of cross-eyed ne-er do-wells were having a scrap in the doorway over who always ended up paying for everything.

At this moment, in the middle of the Strip, in the searing heat, in a filthy and getting filthier mood, I realised I had desperate need of a bathroom. I'm particular when it comes to such facilities and my husband, whose dry desert skin and its needs had brought us to the pharmacy in the first place, quickly saw that he needed to facilitate an optimum outcome or there would be trouble in several different directions.

Spying the nearby Mandarin Oriental hotel, he quickly hustled me over there, delivered me to a very pleasant restroom, thus alleviating some of my distress, then went about the business of securing a cab to the Mirage for some Love.

Outside the hotel, the bellman asked for my name, which I pleasantly gave, although I was surprised he was interested given that I'd only just popped in to use the loo. Anyway, before you could say, "Am I the only one in this town wearing underpants?", an S550 Mercedes appeared in front of us and a uniformed driver by the name of Walter delivered us to our destination, courtesy of the Mandarin Oriental.

I will use only their bathrooms from now on.

Love, by the way, was everything they said it would be.

Smoking inside, acres of flesh - much of it past its use-by date - and gambling?

Walter, please, take me away from all this!

*Yes, you can.

Related

Share

Comments

  • Thanks for such a terrific blog. Where else could anybody get that kind of info written in such an ideal way? I have a presentation that I am presently writing on, and I have been on the look out for such fantastic information. Happy to discover your site.
    8/1/2018 6:04:20 AM Reply
  • Jexer liebt wenn Leute zusammen und Aktien Ideen. Große site, weiter so!
    8/1/2018 2:32:32 AM Reply
  • Hallo zusammen Hätten Sie etwas dagegen ließ mich wissen, welche Web-Hostt Siee Arbwit mit? Ich hazbe einen Blog geladen in 3 völlig ander Internet-Browsesr und ich muss sagen, dieses Blog lädt viel schneller schneller als diee meisten. Können Siie schlagen ejpfehlen eikne gute Webhosting vernünftigen Preis? Prost, ich schätze es!
    8/1/2018 2:11:46 AM Reply
  • The camera will make the brightest of scenes appear to be it had been taken during an eclipse. A model with 3 CCD has a sensor that sees all the different colors (Red, Green, and Blue) causing superior color reproduction. This can be very advantageous to you personally as if you are a fast learner, with just an endeavor, you could learn all you planned to very easily and free.
    7/31/2018 9:33:14 PM Reply
  • Pão Francês Para Diabéticos Já está disponível para todo Pau-de-tinta uma forte novidade que é sensação na mídia. Pessoas alimento consumido em excesso faz mal à estirpe de vida humana, sendo que descuido com a alimentação pode prejudicar tanto a saúde física quanto a mental. Com sarcófago mentalidade, você aprenderá como ter controle sobre suas ações e poder obter melhores resultados na perda de peso e melhora da sua saúde, conseguindo controlar a preocupação e a fome excessiva. Antes de comprar confira a prestígio do criação na internet, ela é muito positiva. Veja também vídeo onde mostrar a ação da fórmula de Quitoplan quando em encontro com a gordura do corpo, observe bem que acontece no momento em que essas substâncias entram dentro de contato. Fiz muitas pesquisas em sites de reclamações para saber se Quitoplan funciona antes de realizar minha compra, e no principal medidor de opiniões da internet, RECLAME AQUI, nã encontrei nenhuma reclamaçã sobre nascente emagrecedor. Ele é 100% aprovado pela anvisa, produto é comercializado em território nacional com aquiescência do Ministério da saúde e da anvisa, sendo totalmente seguro e natural. Além disso, poucos tipos de gorduras poli-insaturadas, como as encontradas em nozes, pinhões, óleo de linhaça, salmão (ricos em ômega-3) e sementes de girassol podem ser excelentes na perda de gordura da barriga, são conhecidos por causa da desinflamação do corpo. Mas quando se amplifica a massa magra com os exercícios de resistência, corpo passa a queimar mais calorias (os músculos utilizam muita energia para se manter). Em seguida, coloque restante dos ingredientes no liquidificador, adicione suco de laranja e bata até ficar bem misturado. Este programação não se trata se uma formula mágica e efetivamente de um cronograma alimentar que irá fazer você perder no mínimo 21 kg em 60 dias. Pensado no cliente a equipe do projeto fit 60d lançou 4 ebooks de bônus Receitas, humilde e fáceis destinado a se fazer no dia a dia que é tão corrido. Minha família enfrentava dificuldades financeira mas nunca abriu mão de minha educação, apesar de que sempre estudei em doutrina publica, tive uma boa base escolar, estudei no colégio Satiro Dias e na escola Polivalente de Amaralina, quanto fiz concurso pára a Academia arte Federal da Bahia. Alguns diziam engorda”, outros que diabético nunca pode comer”, porém, sabemos hoje que principalmente feijão é um dos comidas mais ricos em fibras solúveis, mais do amido resistente (outro tipo de fibra) e faz parte do hábito alimentar do brasilense. Alimentos ricos em fibras trazem inúmeros benefícios destinado a a saúde e um deles é a perda de peso. Tudo certo através de um passo a passo 100% natural, testado e comprovado que já ajudou mais de 1500 seres humanos a perderem peso com forma definitiva. Além de ser praticado por mulheres grávidas, Programa Mamãe Sarada também pode ser feito por mulheres que estão amamentando. As lesões do pé diabético resultam da combinação de 2 ou mais elementos de risco, por exemplo características sócio-econômico-culturais, genéticas, duração da doença, falta de acesso ao função de saúde e estilo de vida deletérios à saúde que atuam simultaneamente e podem ser desencadeadas tanto por traumas intrínsecos como extrínsecos (9,10). E para preparar suco verde é necessário a couve, gengibre, água e a laranja para permitir um gosto mais agradável. Emagrecer é possível desde que se tenha força de vontade e prática, aliados a qualquer ótima alimentação, exercícios físicos e um doutor livramento acompanhando e auxiliando na melhor de forma de ter uma vida mais saudável possível.
    7/30/2018 7:59:31 PM Reply
  • Many thanks for this post, I am a big fan of this site would like to be updated.
    7/29/2018 3:47:43 PM Reply
  • A thoughtful insight and great suggestions you have on your website. You have obviously spent lots of time on this. Great job!
    7/29/2018 3:34:24 PM Reply
  • Terrific blog, I am going to spend more time reading about this subject.
    7/29/2018 10:28:39 AM Reply
  • Great thank you for posting! btw are there feeds to your blog? I’d want to add them to my reader.
    7/29/2018 7:19:00 AM Reply
  • Your article is definitely educational. In addition to that, it really is interesting, convincing and well-written. I would want to see even more of these types of great writing.
    7/29/2018 6:44:54 AM Reply
  • Great article.
    7/28/2018 9:12:28 PM Reply
  • Great I must certainly pronounce, impressed with your site. I had no problems navigating throughas well as related info ended up being truly accessible.
    7/27/2018 4:29:21 PM Reply
  • I'm new to your website. Stumbled upon it while exploring the net. Keep up the good work. I am hoping you update it frequently because I will be staying tuned for more.
    7/25/2018 8:14:44 AM Reply
  • I'm only commenting to let you know of the outstanding experience our girl experienced reading the blog. She noticed numerous pieces, which included how it is like to possess an incredible giving nature to get certain individuals really easily learn certain multifaceted things. You definitely surpassed visitors’ desires. I appreciate you for rendering the important, healthy, informative along with easy suggestions regarding the topic.
    7/25/2018 4:46:14 AM Reply
  • Oh my goodness! an excellent article dude. Cheers!
    7/25/2018 3:34:50 AM Reply
Page 4 of 78 First 23[4]56 Last

Post a Comment

Be Notified About New Posts

Name

Facebook Feed