Why I'll Never Be The Gambler

Vegas is one of those places they say you have to see once but perhaps it's best not to go there straight from the Grand Canyon. (Hello Sublime, it's me, Ridiculous!)

We drove from one of the world's seven natural wonders straight to the Mandalay Bay, a gleaming gold tower with its own "beach" where girls wander around the lobby holding giant drinks and wearing bare feet and bikinis while their shirtless boyfriends smoke ciggies behind them.

Worse, we weren't even staying there, so didn't even need to see this. What can I say? Our GPS has no taste.

Next door in the cool calm of the Four Seasons (which has no casino, perhaps explaining why the GPS gave it the cold shoulder), the lights and sights of the Strip played outside our window like a movie. That bit, I liked. But you can't go to Vegas, even if you're only there to catch a flight somewhere else, and stay in your hotel room.*

Dinner and a show is what we settled on. I wanted Barry Manilow, but he wasn't performing that night, we both wanted Gladys Knight, but she had cancelled, so in the end we opted for Cirque du Soleil's Love - a Beatles extravaganza that came very highly recommended, plus for an extra $5 you got a three-course meal at the Mirage.

First, though, we needed to go to a pharmacy and made the woeful decision to walk. It was 100 deg F, which was why no one was wearing anything, particularly the people who really, really, really should.

Standing on an escalator behind an enormous woman whose vast rear was exploding out of her cut-off shorts which were 10 sizes too small is a Las Vegan memory that will haunt me forever. I have nothing against enormous women with vast rears - indeed I am sometimes one myself - but that is cruelty to a cut-off short. What the original pair of jeans had done to deserve such punishment I can't imagine. You would think chopping their legs off would have been enough.

Anyway, the pharmacy itself was a zoo: a drunk bride was clutching her friend and a beer bottle at the check-out, two zombies were reading the instructions on every condom packet out loud to each other, a couple of cross-eyed ne-er do-wells were having a scrap in the doorway over who always ended up paying for everything.

At this moment, in the middle of the Strip, in the searing heat, in a filthy and getting filthier mood, I realised I had desperate need of a bathroom. I'm particular when it comes to such facilities and my husband, whose dry desert skin and its needs had brought us to the pharmacy in the first place, quickly saw that he needed to facilitate an optimum outcome or there would be trouble in several different directions.

Spying the nearby Mandarin Oriental hotel, he quickly hustled me over there, delivered me to a very pleasant restroom, thus alleviating some of my distress, then went about the business of securing a cab to the Mirage for some Love.

Outside the hotel, the bellman asked for my name, which I pleasantly gave, although I was surprised he was interested given that I'd only just popped in to use the loo. Anyway, before you could say, "Am I the only one in this town wearing underpants?", an S550 Mercedes appeared in front of us and a uniformed driver by the name of Walter delivered us to our destination, courtesy of the Mandarin Oriental.

I will use only their bathrooms from now on.

Love, by the way, was everything they said it would be.

Smoking inside, acres of flesh - much of it past its use-by date - and gambling?

Walter, please, take me away from all this!

*Yes, you can.

Related

Share

Comments

  • What's up, I desire to subscribe for this blog to get latest updates, therefore where can i do it please help.
    1/22/2019 12:54:44 AM Reply
  • Then, Williams gets another chance at being added as an Eastern Conference reserve because Nelson decreases for the season with a torn labrun in his right bear. Now, the NBA commissioner has the final decision of which player to boost the East squad. That does he choose? No, not Williams, but Ray Allen of the boston cetics news. Dwayne Wade of the Miami Heat was awarded his NBA Player of the Month award at half-time. It was in a less than ideal situation that developed his award as his team was trailing by an alarming 57-34. Highest scorers for Heat remained wade (25 points), Daequan Cook (20 points) and Michael Beasley (17 points and 11 rebounds). What made the LA Lakers one of several formidable team in the NBA would be the excellent coaches and a great number of superstars coming from different long time. Among the icons of the game that graced the group are Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul. The LA Lakers also hold some of the most remarkable records in NBA history books. The reduced that frustrates me now is seeing the celtics "fans" slowly falling away from the wagon. The Cs aren't playing good basketball right now, so people are basically saying "Screw the Celtics". That makes me distinguish the real from bogus candidates. I don't expect consumers to watch the Cs as faithfully while i have. I grew up watching this team and I'll definitely be watching them while i am 90 years old and wearing an adult diaper (I hope my sister realizes this). If I'm able to watch companies Eric Montross, Jeroime Moiso, and Gerald Green, then why not continue for my business? If I can watch an 18 game losing streak, then a 5 game losing streak is a walk in the park. Some fall to pieces early in their career when things just come too easy. In 1986, Len Bias was the Atlantic coast Conference player of 2010. He was selected on draft together with boston celtics rumors and within 2 days of hearing that news of his position using Celtics, he was dead from a cocaine overdose. Too much, too soon for this young jogger? His celebration of getting picked to enjoy with his NBA dream team killed her. The players with second most rebounds ever within a NBA game is Bill Russell with 51. Russell grabbed 51 rebounds for your boston celtics within a game vs the Syracuse Nationals on february 5, 1959. At the time Russell grabbed character rebounds, he set the record using a rebounds in a NBA competition. Continuing their winning ways, the Pistons ended the growing season with powerful 59-23 capture. They trounced the Indiana Pacers and then a New York Knicks previously playoffs. The Pistons' defense then helped them to outlast the Bulls a Eastern Finals, in seven games. In the NBA finals, the Pistons faced the Portland Trailblazers. After you can 3-1 lead in the series, the Pistons came-from-behind to win Game 5 on the queue. They were back-to-back NBA champions! And oh yeah, Cleveland's Anderson Varejao got clotheslined in the second half, enticing noted bad-boy Zydrunas Ilgauskus into an almost-confrontation with Glen Davis and resulting in an awful second-half performance by simply about everyone save for Mo Williams.
    1/21/2019 9:37:02 PM Reply
  • This may bee obtained by way of fdee and paid Electrical instrumentation and Instrumentation alplications thaqt youu just download to your pill or smartphone.
    1/21/2019 6:56:50 PM Reply
  • Male's best buddy can be male's worst adversary. Data reveal pet assaults have actually made up greater than 300 dog-bite related fatalities in the USA from the duration of 1979 through 1996. The majority of these targets were kids.
    1/20/2019 6:21:07 PM Reply
  • Most likely the most popular of the three, blogs allow daily individuals to swiftly establish a web site and distribute any type of kind of web content that they want.
    1/20/2019 8:36:49 AM Reply
  • If you were wounded in a vehicle mishap, it is most likely that a person of the drivers included created the accident.
    1/18/2019 7:36:59 PM Reply
  • I appreciate, lead to I found just what I used to be taking a look for. You have ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye
    1/18/2019 5:53:33 AM Reply
  • What i do not understood is in fact how you are no longer really a lot more well-preferred than you might be right now. You're so intelligent. You know therefore significantly with regards to this subject, produced me in my view consider it from so many numerous angles. Its like women and men don't seem to be interested until it's something to do with Woman gaga! Your own stuffs outstanding. Always handle it up!
    1/17/2019 11:10:53 PM Reply
  • This is the right web ite for everyone who would like to find out about this topic. You know so much iits almost tough to rgue with you (not that I really will need to…HaHa). You definitely put a fresh spin on a subject that has been discussed for decades. Excellent stuff, just great!
    1/17/2019 9:49:02 PM Reply
  • Excellent article. I absolutely love this website. Thanks!
    1/17/2019 9:43:20 AM Reply
  • Male's friend could be man's worst enemy. Stats reveal dog assaults have made up more compared to 300 dog-bite associated fatalities in the United States from the duration of 1979 with 1996. Most of these victims were children.
    1/17/2019 5:32:26 AM Reply
  • It is perfect time to make a few planms for the longer term and it's time to be happy. I've read this submit and if Imay jusdt I want to recommend you some attention-grabbing things or advice. Maybe you could write next articles referring tto this article. I want to learn even more issues approximately it!
    1/16/2019 3:38:27 AM Reply
  • Great article.
    1/15/2019 8:39:41 AM Reply
  • It's truly very difficult in this active life to listen news on TV, thus I simply use the web for that purpose, and obtain the most up-to-date information.
    1/15/2019 6:16:21 AM Reply
  • Wow, that's what I was seeking for, what a data! existing here at this website, thanks admin of this website.
    1/14/2019 4:41:58 PM Reply
Page 1 of 94 FirstPrevious [1]2345 Last

Post a Comment

Be Notified About New Posts

Name

Facebook Feed