I've had this website (not perfect, I know, but the best I have to be getting on with) for five years and just yesterday someone sent me a Facebook message to ask why there was no mention of my first book, Stuff It: A Wicked Approach To Dieting. Dedicated to "my friend, the elastic waistband" this book was inspired by reading Ellen Degeneres and Fran Drescher's half nonsensical memoirs, for want of a better word, but it concentrated on my personal struggle with always being on a diet but never getting thin.
Guess what? I never even noticed it wasn't here.
How bad is that? It's not like I'm Robert Ludlum writing so many books even though I died a decade ago that I can't keep up.
Worse, looking at my bookshelf I have about a phillion copes of everything else I've written, in German, Polish, Dutch, Italian and even Hebrew, but I don't have a single copy of Stuff It so I can't even show you what it looks like. (Oh, yes I can! I just have to lift the image from someone who tried to sell a second-hand copy online. Only no one wanted it.)
Anyway, it's completely out of date because I did stop going on diets and now I'm not such a porker any more. Turns out - STOP THE PRESS - I actually knew what I was talking about.
So, sorry about that - not the knowing what I am talking about but the forgetting about mentioning it. The good news is that my very next project is to write a sequel called Still Stuffing It But This Time We're Talking Turkey.
No, just joking, I would never do that. Despite what anyone says I think turkey is almost always dry and usually tasteless.
However I am going to write a sort of follow up which will be titled, far more tastefully I think, Screw You Dolores.
Anyone who still has a copy of Stuff It (and it looks like they're hard to get rid of) and has read it will know why and what it means. The rest of you will have to wait till Screw You Dolores comes out. Which means I will have to write it.