Dear Saint Agnes, Send Help

I was having my legs waxed the other day when the beauty therapist asked if I wanted a Brazilian. I said I did not even really want to wax my legs let alone anything more interesting at which she recommended a Brazilian anyway saying although it could be a bit painful near the ********, it might spice up my love life.

Had I not been lying down I would have fallen down.

The nuns taught me never to talk about the ******** with perfect strangers, or even with people you know quite well. Better just to gaze into the distance when the subject comes up and perhaps say a little prayer to St Agnes.

I still have trouble saying the word "body" out loud without looking for a thunderbolt, for heaven's sake. Even ***** and ****** are beyond me.

If I want to spice up my love life it will be done with a hot curry and I mean eating one at a nice restaurant with my husband, not having him apply one somewhere that requires a saintly intervention.

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