Why Justin Will Never Be Mine

I was just reading in Vanity Fair that Justin Bieber's mother is 35 which I find quite distressing because it means if I had been an early starter, I could have been his grandmother. However, upon close scrutiny of the photos, I realised this would never have been possible because at the age of 13, whichis how old I would have to have been when I was busy conceiving his mum, I had his haircut. This might be working for him in 2011 but trust me, it was not working for me in 1975. I had more chance of winning a David Cassidy Lookalike Concert than I did of getting a boyfriend. And then there were the nuns. And my parents. That's a LOT of not conceiving anything.

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